I (32F) never thought I’d be that person who snoops through their partner’s laptop. But here I am, sitting on my bathroom floor, and I honestly don’t know if my relationship is over or if I just made the biggest mistake of my life.
My boyfriend Jake (34M) and I have been together for almost two years. We moved in together six months ago. Everything’s been… good? Like, really good actually. We barely fight. He’s supportive of my career. We laugh constantly. My friends keep saying they’ve never seen me this happy.
So last night, Jake was in the shower and his laptop was open on the coffee table. I wasn’t trying to snoop—I swear I wasn’t. I just glanced over and saw this document tab open at the top of his screen.
“How to Leave Her – Final Plan”
My stomach literally dropped to the floor. Like, physically felt it happening.
I should’ve walked away. I KNOW I should’ve walked away. But my hands were shaking and my heart was pounding and before I could stop myself, I was reading.
And guys… it was devastating.
Bullet points. Actual bullet points about how to end our relationship. Financial calculations for breaking the lease. A timeline—”Week 1: Secure new apartment. Week 2: Start moving essentials. Week 3: Have the conversation.” There was a whole section about how to phrase the breakup to “minimize emotional damage” and which of our shared friends he’d need to “brief individually.”
He even had notes about our dog. OUR DOG. Who gets Biscuit on which weekends.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. We just booked a vacation for next month. His mom sent me a care package last week with a note that said “so glad you’re part of our family.” And he’s been planning my exit strategy like some kind of corporate restructuring?
I sat there frozen, just staring at this document, and I could hear the shower still running. Part of me wanted to scream. Part of me wanted to just leave right then—grab my stuff and go to my sister’s. But mostly I just felt… empty? Like someone had reached inside my chest and scooped everything out.
Then—and this is where I think I really fucked up—I scrolled up. I don’t even know why. Maybe looking for more evidence? More details about why he was planning to dump me?
And that’s when I saw the date at the top of the document.
March 2022.
We didn’t start dating until June 2022.
I scrolled back through the document more carefully this time, actually reading instead of just scanning in panic mode. And slowly… horrifyingly… it started making sense.
The timeline mentioned “her parents visiting from Seattle” (his ex’s parents lived in Seattle; mine live in Boston). There was a note about “returning the ring” (Jake’s never mentioned buying me a ring, but I know his ex pressured him about engagement). One bullet point said “remind myself why staying hurts more than leaving” followed by a list of toxic behaviors—constant criticism, financial control, isolation from friends.
You guys… this wasn’t about me. This was his escape plan from his ex-girlfriend.
The one he’s told me was “the darkest period of my life.” The relationship that left him in therapy for a year. The woman who, according to Jake, made him feel like he was “losing himself completely.”
He’d kept the document. As like… what? A reminder? A trophy? Evidence that he got out?
I heard the shower turn off and I panicked. Slammed the laptop shut. Grabbed my phone and basically sprinted to the bathroom, locked myself in (we have two bathrooms, thank god), and that’s where I’ve been for the past forty minutes.
Jake knocked like twenty minutes ago. “Babe? You okay in there?”
I said I wasn’t feeling well. Might’ve eaten something bad. He offered to make me tea. OFFERED TO MAKE ME TEA. Meanwhile I’m having a complete meltdown because I almost… what? Confronted him? Left him? Destroyed our entire relationship over a document from before we even met?
But here’s what’s really messing with me—why did he keep it? Who keeps a detailed breakup plan from an ex-relationship for over two years? Is that normal? Is that a red flag I’m supposed to recognize?
And the bigger question: do I tell him what I saw? Do I confess that I was snooping (even though it was an accident at first)? Do I just… pretend this never happened and try to forget about those terrible five minutes when I thought my whole world was ending?
Because honestly, I feel insane right now. I put myself through complete emotional hell over something that had nothing to do with me. I could’ve just ASKED him about the document. Could’ve said, “Hey, I accidentally saw something on your laptop—what’s ‘How to Leave Her’?” Like a normal person. Instead, I read his private documents and worked myself into a panic attack.
But also… I can’t stop thinking about those bullet points. The level of detail. The cold, methodical planning. Even if it wasn’t about me—even if it was about escaping something toxic—there’s something about seeing your partner’s capacity for that kind of calculated exit strategy that just… shakes you, you know?
What if someday he makes a “How to Leave Her – Final Plan Part 2” about ME?
So now I’m sitting on this bathroom floor at almost 3 AM, and I have no idea what to do. Do I come clean? Do I apologize for snooping? Do I ask him about the document? Do I just let this go and try to move past it?
And honestly, the thing that’s scaring me most is this: I was SO ready to believe he wanted to leave me. Like, instant belief. No hesitation. What does that say about me? About my trust issues? About whether I’m actually as happy in this relationship as I thought I was?
AITA for reading his private document? Should I tell him? Or did I just prove I’m not ready for the relationship I thought I had?
What would you do?
UPDATE: He just knocked again. Said he’s worried about me. I need to decide in the next two minutes whether I’m opening this door as someone who’s about to confess or someone who’s going to pretend everything’s fine.
I genuinely don’t know which person I’m going to be.
