You’re Trying Too Hard to Be Perfect
Here’s What’s Really Happening
You’ve been told that if you’re pretty enough, guys will love you. So you work out. You buy nice clothes. You do your makeup. Guys notice you.
But then… they leave.
Or they stay but seem distant. Like they’re not really THERE with you.
And you think: “What am I doing wrong?”
Here’s the truth that might sting a little:
You’re not being yourself. You’re performing.
What Does “Performing” Mean?
It means you’re acting like who you think he wants, instead of being who you really are.
Here’s what it looks like:
- You agree with everything he says (even when you don’t)
- You never say what you really want
- You’re always “fine” and “chill”
- You change yourself to match his mood
- You’re scared to disagree or have an opinion
- You pretend to like things you don’t actually like
You’ve become so good at being “the cool girl” that the real you disappeared.
And guys can feel it.
They might not know WHAT feels off. But something does.
What This Actually Costs You
Story #1: The Date Where You Weren’t Really There
You’re at dinner with him. He’s talking. You’re smiling and nodding.
But inside your head, you’re thinking:
- “Did I laugh too loud?”
- “Should I have ordered salad instead?”
- “Am I being too boring?”
- “Does he think I’m pretty?”
You go home. He texts: “Had fun!”
But YOU feel empty. Because the real you never went on that date. A fake version of you did.
Story #2: The Guy Who Slowly Disappeared
You’ve been dating for three months. Then he starts acting different.
- Fewer texts
- Takes longer to respond
- Seems less excited
So what do you do? You try HARDER.
You become even more agreeable. More available. More “perfect.”
You dress sexier. You never complain. You agree to everything.
And he drifts even further away.
Or worse – he stays, but it feels hollow. Like he’s there but not REALLY there.
Story #3: The One That Breaks Your Heart
Then you see your ex with someone new.
And she’s not as pretty as you. Maybe she’s heavier. Maybe she doesn’t dress as nice.
But when you see them together, something is different.
She’s… relaxed. She laughs loud. She teases him. She seems totally comfortable.
And he looks at her like she’s the only person in the world.
He never looked at you that way.
That’s when it really hurts:
“It wasn’t about my body. Something is wrong with ME. With who I am inside.”
What All This Does to You
When you spend your time performing instead of being real, here’s what happens:
- You feel exhausted from trying to be perfect
- You lose touch with what YOU actually want
- You feel like any girl could replace you
- You’re scared that if you stop being “perfect,” he’ll leave
- Relationships drain you instead of filling you up
- You don’t know who you are anymore
The Trap:
The more you pretend to be perfect → The more fake he feels you are → The more distant he gets → The harder you try to be perfect → And it keeps going until someone gives up.
You’re not losing guys because you’re not enough.
You’re losing them because you’ve made yourself so small that there’s nothing real for them to connect with.
The One Thing That Actually Works
Okay, here’s the big secret. The thing men unconsciously look for:
Being Real and Comfortable in Your Own Skin
Not perfect. Not fake nice. Not agreeing with everything.
Just… real.
Let me explain what this actually means.
What “Being Real” Looks Like
It means you:
- Say what you actually think
- Share your real feelings
- Don’t pretend to like things you don’t
- Can disagree without freaking out
- Know what you want and you’re not afraid to say it
- Don’t change yourself based on his mood
- Stay yourself even when he’s upset
Here’s the weird part: This is actually MORE attractive than being perfect.
Why Guys Actually Want This
Think about YOUR friends. Who do you like more?
- The friend who always agrees and never has an opinion?
- Or the friend who is honest, real, and sometimes disagrees with you?
Guys are the same way.
When you’re real:
- He can relax – He’s not walking on eggshells worried he’ll upset you
- He can be real too – Your honesty makes it safe for him to be honest
- Arguments don’t feel scary – Because you can disagree and still be okay
- You feel special – Anyone can be generically “nice.” Your specific personality is unique.
- He feels more attracted – Real confidence (not fake confidence) is magnetic
How to Start Being Real (Instead of Perfect)
Step 1: Notice Your Body
Your feelings live in your body. Start paying attention.
- Take 5 minutes each day to notice how your body feels
- Where do you feel tight? Relaxed? Anxious?
- Stop asking “How do I look?” Start asking “How do I feel?”
Step 2: Practice Having Opinions
Start small:
- Order what you ACTUALLY want at restaurants
- If someone offers you coffee but you want tea, ask for tea
- Share what movie YOU want to watch
Step 3: Stop Saying “Yes” When You Mean “No”
This is hard but SO important.
- If you don’t want to go out Friday, say so
- If you’re tired, say you’re tired
- If something bothers you, mention it
You don’t have to be mean. Just be honest.
Step 4: Learn to Sit with Uncomfortable Feelings
When you feel anxious, don’t immediately text him.
Wait. Breathe. Feel the feeling.
Most uncomfortable feelings pass in about 90 seconds if you just let them be there.
Step 5: Say What You Need
Not what you think you SHOULD need. What you ACTUALLY need.
- “I need more notice when plans change”
- “I need some alone time tonight”
- “I need us to talk about this”
Step 6: Be Yourself on Dates
- Share your real opinion, even if it’s different from his
- Let your real laugh out (not the polite one)
- If something feels off, say so: “Hmm, I feel uncomfortable with that”
Step 7: Remember Rejection Isn’t About Your Worth
If a guy leaves when you’re being real, that’s GOOD.
It means he wasn’t right for you anyway.
You don’t want EVERY guy. You want the RIGHT guy.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
OLD WAY (Performing):
He cancels plans last minute.
You text: “No worries at all! Anytime is fine! 😊”
Inside you feel: Crushed, anxious, like you don’t matter
He thinks: “She’s always available. I can do whatever I want.”
NEW WAY (Being Real):
He cancels plans last minute.
You text: “I’m disappointed. I was looking forward to tonight. I need more notice for changes. Let me know when works for you.”
Inside you feel: Sad, but also strong and self-respecting
He thinks: “Wow, she values herself. I need to do better.” (Or he leaves – which shows he wasn’t right for you anyway)
See the difference?
You’re not being mean. You’re just being HONEST about how you feel.
Why This Actually Works
Here’s the thing about guys (and people in general):
Nobody falls in love with perfect. They fall in love with REAL.
Guys fall for the woman who:
- Is soft but not weak
- Is strong but not rigid
- Challenges them but also accepts them
- Has her own life (not a blank space for him to fill)
- Stays herself even when things get hard
- Knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it
This woman isn’t perfect.
But she’s REAL. And real always wins.
Being real creates the kind of attraction that lasts. It’s what makes him think about you when you’re not around. It’s what makes him want to be better.
Because you’re not pretending to be who he wants. You’re just being someone worth knowing.
🎁 Want to Learn More?
Everything we talked about here – how attraction really works, how to stop performing and start being yourself, the exact steps to become magnetic – is in:
“The Invisible Wall Protocol: Why He’s Emotionally Unavailable (And How to Fix It Without Chasing)”
This guide shows you:
- Why trying to be perfect pushes good guys away
- The 7 things you’re doing that make guys distant (without realizing it)
- How to tell if you’re performing (most women don’t even know they are)
- Step-by-step ways to be more real and confident
- How to stop chasing guys who aren’t interested
- What good guys actually look for (and how to become that)
Coming soon – made especially for women who are tired of trying to be “enough” and ready to discover they already ARE enough.
The Truth You Need to Hear
You are not broken.
You are not too much.
You are not weird or flawed.
You’ve just been playing the wrong game.
Stop trying to be perfect.
Start being real.
That’s where your power is.
That’s what he’s actually looking for.
And the best part? You already have it. You just need to let it show.
